I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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