just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
