i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize