She announced her abortion via fbk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
