We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
