There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
