All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
