obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
