Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
