She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Everclear isn't food dammit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
