I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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