i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This baby is an asshole
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
