whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
