I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize