I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
