I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
