Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
