I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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