I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
