I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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