whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
