i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
