the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
