youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
