FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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