I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your shirt... Was in my pants
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
