Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
