don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Still dying that you shit outside
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize