Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
