Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
