I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Text me some of your sweat
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
