May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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