God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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