What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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