I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize