flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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