non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
