Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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