At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
