i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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