the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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