i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
