You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
