the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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