I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sarcasm needs its own font
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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