She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
