My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
