Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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