In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
