there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
