I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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