she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize