So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
