They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
