I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
