So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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