I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
