i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
