His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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