So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
