So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
