arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
