Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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