I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
